An Adventurer Is You!

No, this isn’t an advertisement, it’s merely an outpouring of love for the game I got hooked on over 3 years ago.  I just figured I’d share with you what the game is all about in the hope that you might decide to play as well!  After all, it’s free and a great way to waste time!

Have you ever wanted to beat up hippies?  How about delve into a dungeon full of dungeons?  Have you ever had the urge to wear a hat made of meat?  Now you can!

Kingdom of Loathing (KoL) is a funny and addictive browser-based RPG game where you attempt to rescue King Ralph XI from the Naughty Sorceress.  Seeing as how it’s a text-based adventure game, it’s extremely easy to play and since you only receive 40 adventures (turns) a day, you can’t waste your life playing it.  You can get more adventures a day by making and eating food, as well as drinking booze (don’t drink too much though, otherwise you will get drunk and end up in a "Drunken Stupor").

When you begin, you start with nothing, but over time, you will come discover powerful weapons (like the Titanium Assault Umbrella or the Stainless Steel Shillelagh), powerful clothing (like the Pimpin’ Meat Hat or the Duck Tape Dockers) and many, many accessories (like the Dirty Hobo Gloves or the Hockey Stick of Furious Angry Rage).

You also get to bring many little creatures (familiars) with you on your journey (like the Clockwork Grapefruit or a Ghost Pickle on a Stick).  Each one does something a little bit different to help you along your way.

Here is the back story for the game, taken from the KoL website:

The Kingdom of Loathing was once a pleasant place, where all the citizens loathed one another equally and nobody caused too much trouble. Under the gentle rule of King Ralph XI, peace had prevailed for as long as anybody could remember.

One fateful Porktober morning, a Sorceress came to the Kingdom. A Naughty Sorceress. A Naughty Sorceress who was clearly up to no good, and even more clearly up to plenty of bad. King Ralph sought to expel the Naughty Sorceress from his Kingdom, but she imprismed him in a black crystalline shard of curdled magic. It was very dramatic.

Monsters emerged from their hidey-holes to terrorize the citizens of Loathing, and larger monsters emerged from larger hidey-holes to terrorize those monsters, all under the control of the Naughty Sorceress.

In the King’s absence, the Council of Loathing convened to attempt to impose order on the Kingdom. Their success was limited, however, to imposing their will on adventurers who came to the Kingdom seeking fame, fortune, or quality products at reasonable prices. And as you’ve probably guessed by now, one of those adventurers is you!

You can become one of these wonderfully drawn characters:

sealclubber The Seal Clubber:

Seal Clubbers hail from the frigid Northlands, because one character class always hails from the frigid Northlands. They rely on their Muscle to survive.
turtletamer The Turtle Tamer:

The Turtle Tamer’s mystical connection with his terrapin brethren imbues him with great power. He excels at moving very slowly and winning footraces with smug satisfaction. His Muscle is the key to his success, and to his long life span.

pastamancer The Pastamancer:

With his mastery of the arcane secrets of Noodlecraft, the Pastamancer is a force to be reckoned with. He relies on his Mysticality to get ahead in the world.

sauceror The Sauceror:

Long engaged in an uneasy truce with the Pastamancers, the guild of Saucerors protects the secrets of the Ancient Brotherhood of Gravymakers. Their Mysticality is their most important attribute.

discobandit The Disco Bandit:

The Disco Bandit boogies to and fro, hither and yon. Whence comes he? No man knows. Whither strikes he next? All men live in fear of him and his Moxie.

accordionthief The Accordion Thief:

The scourge of mariachis and polka bands, the Accordion Thieves have plied their malign craft since time out of mind. Their Moxie serves them well in both their adventures and their interactions with "the ladies."

So, do you think you have what it takes to find the Naughty Sorceress and vanquish her, saving King Ralph XI and restoring order to the galaxy?  Sorry, that’s Star Wars.  If so, message me in game and I’ll give you a hand and point you
in the right direction (character #527232).  Just mention that you saw this post and good luck!

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