Negativity

I thought about doing some writing for my novel when I got home from work tonight, but my heart just isn’t in it.  Frankly, it’s not into a lot of things right now.  Hell, it’s not even really into this blog post, so I suppose you’ll just have to bear with it.

Right now, I don’t have the energy to do much, or to say much, as what I say seems to fall on deaf ears.  Some of the people who are close to me no longer want to hear what I have to say.  That’s fine, I suppose.  At least it is for them.  After all, that’s what it’s all about, right?  What’s best for yourself is what trumps all else.  There is very little caring left, very few outstretched hands left.  It’s as if hollowness and self-absorption can swallow one whole.  I’m seeing it more and more every day.

This isn’t meant to be scary or to point fingers, but merely to vent a bit.  I don’t care if I vent online, as my feelings have always been worn on my sleeve.  After all, what good is a personal journal if it doesn’t get personal?

I’m just tired, tired of feeling so negative all the time, dealing with nothing but negativity all the time.  I’m still searching for the good in life, but it’s seemingly becoming harder and harder to find when roadblocks are being thrown up all around me.  I long for calm moments where everything seemingly slips away.

Perhaps I think too much.  It would be a curse if modesty didn’t tell me that there is no way that I’m smart enough to think too much.  Insomnia tells me that my brain will just not stop, but perhaps it is more my line of thought that weighs me down.  Change is difficult in all it’s forms, but perhaps it’s something worth looking into.

All I know is that right now, I feel alone and the sad part is that I can’t help but want to be alone because of it.  “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”  It’s kind of hard to do that if you are never treated that way yourself.

OK, all this rambling is getting me nowhere fast and I’m sure it’s only causing the few of you who read this to yawn uncontrollably.  After all, if you wanted to take in problems from someone, you’d watch television.  Nothing like a good situation comedy to get the juices flowing.  Well, welcome to the situation comedy that is my life.  Let’s all have a good laugh.

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